Josiah stepped back from the wreckage with slumped shoulders, watching the approach of flashing red and blue lights reflected in the cracked windshield. Officers and paramedics leapt from their vehicles, attempting in vain to repulse the mortal shadow that had eclipsed the moonlight. Vaguely perceiving shouting men and sirens, Josiah turned gloomily and held his lacerated hands before him. A middle-aged officer paused and bent slightly to look at his face. 

“What happened here, son?” The officer asked; his voice was low, choked with sorrow. 

Josiah shook his head, devastated. He lifted his face, and the officer’s heart twisted at the sight of his mournful eyes, his lips tight to hold back sobs. Two policemen took Josiah by the arms and led him to a patrol car. 

… 

Only a few people sat dispersed in the large courtroom. Galia slipped in just before the trial was scheduled to begin and sank uneasily onto a bench against the back wall. She still doubted the wisdom of coming today, but she needed answers. Her eyes were drawn to motion in the front of the room – a door opening. 

There he is. 

Her mind couldn’t grasp the reality of what was occurring. Josiah, with his compassionate green eyes and ever-ready smile, was on trial for vehicular manslaughter – the deaths of two adults and one child. 

Why would he do this? 

She sat still in her chair, hoping he wouldn’t see her. He looked so dejected and hopeless, staring directly ahead, expressionless. The guilt she’d carried for the past week and a half threatened to break her. Her breath quickened, every muscle in her body tensed. Galia crossed her arms and began tapping her foot, trying to ward off a nervous breakdown. 

He pleaded guilty to all charges. 

Questions poured relentlessly through her mind. One overshadowed the rest. 

How does he know? 

She had no doubt that he knew. That was the only explanation for what he was doing – he must have followed her. She shut her eyes and leaned back against the wall. He would have seen everything – who she was with, what she was doing with him, where they went together, and what happened on the way back. Josiah must have watched from a distance as she scrambled out of the driver’s seat and ran with Darren from the crash site, terrified and intoxicated. So why was he pleading guilty in her place? 

She couldn’t take it anymore. She stood. Their eyes met. In his, she expected to see betrayal, hurt, or even hatred. She read nothing but love, affection, and forgiveness. The breath left her lungs. Galia clamped a hand over her mouth, but it was pointless. A single heaving, gasping sob escaped before she tore through the doors and out of the building. 

… 

Perched on a curb in the middle of the courthouse parking lot. That’s where she was when her ability to comprehend her surroundings returned. She sat still, head in her hands, wishing that physical immobility would paralyze her mind. She didn’t want to think, afraid her thoughts would require action. But thoughts and memories invaded against her will. They made her realize that she shouldn’t have been surprised at the love in Josiah’s expression. Every moment they had shared over the course of their relationship confirmed what she had read. 

One memory in particular came to mind. 

She was denied a promotion at work. Josiah picked her up from the office, a bar of chocolate waiting for her in the passenger seat. Feeling bitter and misused, she didn’t say a word to him, not even “thank you,” and sat in self-pitying silence. He asked her how she felt, or if she needed anything. She shook her head tightly and reminded him that he can’t fix everything. She was unfair to him over something small, and yet, he turned to her with sympathetic eyes and a somber half-smile, saying that he understood and was there if she needed him. His patience pricked her conscience, and she apologized a couple of minutes later. He was one of the few people she knew who showed unconditional kindness, and she strived to be more like him. She became a better person because of the way he loved her. 

Galia never understood how he could love her. She didn’t feel she deserved him, but she recognized him for what he was – everything she truly wanted. But those unworthy desires would creep in, poking at her happiness. Though Josiah faithfully cared for her, Galia grew increasingly discontented and suspicious. She knew Josiah would eventually tire of her imperfections. She was sure he was judging everything she said and did. He was too good to be true – his kindness was a facade that would break as soon as he got whatever it was that he wanted. 

Darren may have played a small part in her discontent, but how could she resist him? He had a motorcycle – and the hair to match. He had that smirk and arrogant manner that she didn’t want to like, but it thrilled her. The night of the accident, she made plans with Josiah but decided to cancel, going out with Darren instead. Over the past week, she tried to recall the details of that night, but it was a drunken haze. All she knew was that shame and guilt had been loyal companions since then. There were moments the troubling emotions left her alone, but they were spent with Darren. Two of his most valuable skills were rationalizing away unwanted emotions and distracting her from an unsettling self-analysis, though Galia wouldn’t put it in those terms. But whatever he said, she knew what she had to do now. 

A low, sputtering rumble sounded from the opposite side of the courthouse building. Recognizing the sound, Galia sprang to her feet. She had to be firm and resolute. “Well, what did he do?” Darren asked, parking his bike and running his fingers through his hair. 

“He didn’t say a word the whole time.” 

“So … He just took the blame?” Darren questioned. 

Galia nodded in response. 

“Figures. Just like him to lay down and take it.” Darren snorted, mockingly. 

“He’s doing it for me, you know,” Galia said softly. “And I can’t let him. I’m going to go in there and tell the judge everything.” 

“Why in the world would you do a thing like that?” 

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” She responded weakly. 

Darren gave her a look. “Says who?” 

He climbed off his motorcycle and put his hands on her shoulders. 

“Listen, Galia. He’s still trying to manipulate you. He’s trying to make you feel guilty so you’ll come running back to him like an obedient child. Besides, what are you gonna tell them? Do you actually remember what happened? It really could’ve been his fault for all you know. Maybe we were just in the wrong place at the wrong time and got caught in the middle of something we couldn’t control. Just let this whole thing play out and don’t get involved without carefully considering the consequences.” 

Galia bit her lip, pondering. His logic kind of made sense. Maybe she should think about it for a few days instead of rushing into a rash decision. 

… 

Galia did think about it, but nothing ever came of all her cogitation. Darren had a way of distracting her every time she reached what she knew to be the right decision. However, it wasn’t long before she left Darren behind, having outgrown her attraction to him. Gorgeous hair and all, there was something lacking. Galia sought this “something” in other romantic relationships but always found them hollow in the middle. Then, as the years went on, she focused on achieving success in her career. Upon reaching the top, she only discovered more disappointment. After about eight years of fruitless searching, she began to suspect that her aim was unattainable. She felt as though she kept dipping a spoon into the same empty bowl and expecting nourishment every time she put it to her lips. But she was always met with the same metallic taste, the same void that she didn’t understand. 

Galia’s quest to fill the hole in her heart had taken her hopelessly far from home. Now, desperate, she slid into her car, flicked on the headlights and left behind the tower she had built and summited, for what she felt was like homesickness. She clutched the steering wheel, fighting the incessant devastation rising within her. It almost defeated her when her car ran out of gas four miles from home. She was so close, yet she feared to press on, dreading the realization that nothing could soothe this inconsolable longing. But she had to cling to her last shred of hope. So, she ran. 

Dawn was breaking on the horizon as she approached her hometown, breathless and stumbling. A figure with outstretched arms was backlit by the rising sun. And at that moment, Galia knew who she was running towards, who she had been searching for all this time. Hair disheveled and legs aching, she hobbled forward and fell at his feet, head bowed in shame. Josiah knelt and lifted her chin. The message in his eyes hadn’t changed. Galia’s lip quivered and she shook her head. 

She needed to tell him, “I don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve it,” but she couldn’t get the words out. 

He drew her up and held her close. 

“I know, I understand,” he whispered gently. “Don’t look back now, beloved; everything worth pursuing lies ahead.”